December of last year I left a very secure, and creative job with a children's clothing company I had worked at for 4 years. I left for no other reason than the fact I had been meditating daily for years on living a life that was more in tune with my higher purpose, so that I could best honor the God and Goddess energy that all living things are blessed with upon entering this reality, and my inner voice was growing louder and louder with the demands that It had a far more marvelous vision for what should be done with this life. It was not however a easy transition to make, nor an easy voice to listen to, which meant it simply grew louder and louder with time until its message was unmistakable.
I spoke for years about leaving my job before I was actually able to take the plunge. My heart sang of a desire to forge my own path and cultivate the 'heaven on earth' that I wanted to see. But my actions were in conflict with that desire, after all I had financial security and a cozy little nest, couldn't I continue to work at my job and create the art and beauty that I wanted to see in the world? Theoretically yes but the reality was working a corporate job, no matter how creative, was draining too much of my energy for me to be able to pull my dreams into reality. My Sacral Chakra was overflowing with inspiration and desire but was not being allowed to flow into my Solar Plexus where it wanted to become reality.
There were times that I felt like a child, who having asked for a cookie, had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the cookie jar.
After leaving my job I became convinced that in order to succeed I needed a incredible strict schedule to keep myself focused. Pixies of doubt and demons of fear began to creep in around the edges of my mind
'You dont need to meditate today, you should begin working on your art right away!'
'Why are you working on this? You should be doing something that will make you money before you can work on frivolous things.'
'If you dont start making money again soon everyone is going to abandon you.'
And for awhile I did stop meditating based on the conviction that it was a waste of time. Only to find that even though I may have been giving myself 1 extra hour in the day, all of my hours were spent in a fog, staring blankly at the materials that once filled me with such joy to behold. I became terrified of my own dreams, distracting myself and slowly falling to a state of apathy.
Then one day I woke up with all of my stress sitting so heavy on my chest that I had no other option than to go to my altar, look within, and face the fears I was allowing to over through me. I returned then to that place of grace where thoughts are clear and my hearts song rang clear. But as I got up to continue my day I chose not to listen to the voice that had so clearly told me what to do, and the longer I waited to act the more restless and upset I became. Then the moment I swallowed my pride and did what the universe was asking me, I was graced with an immediate treat of praise in the form of a job dinging in my inbox.
It was the first of many lessons, Id continue to become restless and depressed at times, demanding things of my reality, only to obtain them when I would take the time to calm my mind and open my heart. I had asked my higher power to teach me how to live the life that they would see for me and the result was a never ending stream of lessons about opening the heart that mirrored that of teaching a dog how to sit.
The time between these intervals became smaller and smaller until a few weeks ago there seemed to be no end to the beauty, love, happiness, and even money that could be summoned into my life as long as I listend to my heart song, no matter how strange the words sounded at the time.
So I thank father sun as we dance our circle round his shinning face, that on the day he shone his brightest and longest that I felt my heart leap with love, and felt tears stream down my cheeks as I released my fears and doubts to the tinny solstice flame I gathered round with those I hold dear. Sitting beneath the near full moon in a house of clay where children play, nestled amongst the sparkling trees as the fireflies brought the suns light into the darkness of midnight.
So as we begin the second half of our cosmic dance, and the days grow shorter with each twirl, I hold this truth within my heart...
That we are not only worthy of love and abundance, but that the more we allow into our lives and the more happiness that we share with those we love, the greater our vessels become so that the abundance of the Universe can flow even deeper into our souls.